I still remember the day I was standing in my mom’s kitchen in Portugal…
I was probably 20-21 years old.
And for the first time ever I actually realized what my mind was doing.
I heard my mind repeating the same thought over and over, like a broken record. I don’t even remember what the thought was about, but trust me.. it wasn’t anything interesting or profound
And then I remember thinking to myself:
WTF? What is my mind even doing?
How does it just keep going - on its own?
And why don’t I have any say over this very important part of me?
It somehow hit me.
Like really hit me, that something was not right…
That my mind was having a life of its own, that it was out of my control and that it was affecting my life because I listened to it and believed it.
What happened in the following years would take me 100 emails to share.
But let’s say that life continued taking me deeper and deeper into my journey of Self-Discovery.
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There were two very powerful spiritual awakenings through psychedelics.
- I attended my first ever tantra retreat - which opened a whole new world for me.
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I deleted my Facebook, bought a one way ticket to India and ended up living in an ashram for 4 months - doing very intense daily sadhana - deep spiritual practices.
There, in India, I tasted this truth on a deeper level - that I am not my mind.
That I observe my mind
That I can even direct it.
And since then, I’ve continued traveling and unraveling deeper understandings of this strange relationship with this thing we call Mind.
Well.. it’s still a work in progress.
I still sometimes catch my mind spiralling into repetitive, senseless thoughts when I slip out of presence.
But I am no longer imprisoned by it.
My mind now is an insanely creative and insightful place.
So much so that I actually have to remind myself to come back into the body - to breathe, to feel - because it’s very tempting to stay “up there”.
And I now have the tools to very easily quiet it, to bring myself back, to distance myself from its chaos.
And when the chaos is there, not to take too personally.
I think that this gives you a more profound understanding as to why the Chaotic Mind tattoos and artworks have become such an integral piece of my artistic expression. It’s because of this journey and because I know that every single one of us is on some form of journey with our own minds.
Taking this collective struggle that we all share…
And transmuting it into ART
Is one of my most delightful honours.
What a gift - to be an artist that can translate something that words have a hard time describing
Into a piece of art that instantly activates something within you.. Makes you feel understood and seen.
And maybe that's why it feels so special to share this with you now.
For the first time,
The Chaotic Mind exists as a raw creation -
drawn directly on paper, in ink,
without the safety and comfort of my iPad,
where I can redraw a line 20 times if I don’t like it.
Here, every line was made in the moment.
No undo button. No overthinking
Just trust, breath, and movement.
With so much love,
and all the gratitude of someone who has learned - and is still learning -
to love her own beautiful, chaotic mind,